Boneyard Media

Archive for December, 2009

1978 Colorado Caribous jersey

Monday, December 28th, 2009


Next to the ’76 Chicago White Sox, the ’78 “Caribous of Colorado,” who lasted for only one season in the North American Soccer League, might have had the funniest uniforms in pro sports. Wikipedia: “The lasting legacy of the Caribous is one of the most unusual, infamous uniforms in soccer history. Going with a western-style motif, the players wore brown and tan jerseys that included a strip of leather fringe across the chest.” Have a nice wallow over here.

12 Cereals of Christmas

Monday, December 21st, 2009


Albums of the Year 2009

Saturday, December 19th, 2009


Albums of the Year 2009

1 – The Wax Wesleys – I’m Aware, I Don’t Care. Highlight: “Punch Me, I Would Like That.”

2 – Cathy Sinus – Faux Furs Electric Don’t Touch Don’t Look Wait Do Look. Highlight: “Animal Weapon Underthing.”

3 – First Clouds/Then Karo – Vibrato Envy. Highlight: “Never Bending.”

4 – The 3:12’ers – Synthpad Scripture. Highlight: “P.M.S. (Post Metrosexual).”

5 – The Cast from “Where the Wild Things Are” – Chant Lullabys Inspired by the Soundtrack to “Where the Wild Things Are.” Highlight: “I Seethe.”

6 – Sergei and Sarah Gu – Hear Us Swallow. Highlight: “Under My Tongue.”

7 – The Killtwisters – Whiskey Wizard. Highlight: “You Put the Q in Quaver.”

8 – Agronomy – Growbot. Highlight: “Percolation Fortnight.”

9 – Traviz Milk-it featuring Malt-O-Meel – In Pieces, In Peace. Highlight: “My Components, Version 3 (KitchenAde Remix).”

10 – Affectation Station – Invocation to the Station. Highlight: “Affectation Station Celebration.”

11 – The Slumberites – The Dour Masochist’s Mystery. Highlight: “Elmer Fudd Reverie.”

12 – Elko – American Asphalt Mile By Mile. Highlight: “My Longest Hour (Acoustic Version).”

Note: OK, they’re all fake, so no need for Googlin.’ But har dee har, I tricked you. Just be glad I opted out on the fake blurbs.

posted by Kim Simpson

Movies By Memory: 1996 edition (100% Google-free)*

Friday, December 18th, 2009


How to play “Movies By Memory”: Take the 3 or 4 things you remember about any given movie (no Google allowed) and incorporate these into a one-sentence plot summary.

The English Patient (1996): A woman feeds a dying soldier nothing but chocolate as he narrates classic scenes from “Lawrence of Arabia.”

Hard Core Logo (1996): Three Canadian punks hunt for Ron Reagan Jr. and commit Charlie Starkweather-style farmland murders along the way.

Lone Star (1996): Three policemen sleep together in a Texas border town, making for subsequent confusion and the birth of Freddie Fender.

Secrets and Lies (1996): A British man plans and orchestrates an entire family reunion while on the toilet.

The Craft (1996): Loosely based on “Henry V,” this film follows the adventures of a young girl who chooses Shakespeare over witchcraft.

Suburbia (1996): Tom Hanks helps the cast from “Kids” cope with fame after their song “We Don’t Take Checks” becomes a massive hit.

Stealing Beauty (1996): Liz Taylor’s daughter finds herself through uncovering the dark side of Italian farm life.

The Daytrippers (1996): Stanley Tucci teaches a narrow-minded suburban family not to fear NYC subway travel.

Freeway (1996): Alicia Silverstone and Nick Nolte battle a ghost town full of real life nursery rhyme characters.

Breaking the Waves (1996): Liam Neeson’s brush with death on an oil rig sparks a whirlwind of golden rock ‘n’ roll memories.

*except for that picture.

posted by Kim Simpson

Gregoire Solotareff, The Secret Life of Santa Claus (1996)

Saturday, December 5th, 2009


This chubby alphabet book is out of print but well worth the effort to dig up. It’s a classic. Some sample entries:

“Airplane: in his airplane Santa Claus seems happy. But how many people really know if they are happy?

Artichoke: artichokes have no connection at all with Santa Claus. They do not make good presents, and you cannot make a Santa out of an artichoke.

Bottom: in Africa there are nasty monkeys who display their bottoms to Santa. This is neither very nice nor very polite. That’s why they never get presents.

Confuse: sometimes Santa’s elves disguise themselves as red-and-white toadstools. It is important not to get the two things confused and, above all, not to eat either one, because you could die.

Fortunate: it is fortunate that Santa Claus doesn’t have a daughter. It is obvious how he would dress her, and she would run the risk of being eaten by a wolf.”

posted by Kim Simpson